Of Understanding....

It didn't take too long for me to understand you...
Yet it feels like forever before you understood me...
I'm tired and exhausted, waiting for forever...
Yet I'm still waiting...
It may feel like I'm expressing myself in riddles...
Riddles in the dark...
Darkness, where fear resides...
For there are many things which I fear...
Fear can make someone do the weirdest of things...
Fear...
What exactly do I fear?
Fear of being caged...
Fear of abandoned...
Fear of losing out...
Fear of losing you...
What do you fear?
Some might say there is nothing to fear but fear itself...
I have yet to understand that statement...

I'm babbling...if you've wasted your time reading this entry...my apologies!
xoxo

Of Things That Should Not Be Shared...

It's 2 in the morning...can't sleep,
wondering why or what or who is keeping me awake,
maybe it's the thought of you that keeping me awake, or maybe I'm just plain constipated

I have a T-shirt with the print that says,
"Life is full of choices, choose Hope"
Hope, big word, humble meaning, but I can't help but wonder, when does hope turn into obsession?
Choices, what if the choices you have are those which you don't want or impossible to have?

xoxo

Of You...

Dear you, who stole from me...
Dear you, who made me feel inadequate...
Dear you, who brought out the worst in me...
Dear you, who taught me jealousy...
Dear you, who caused me pain, sensitivity and insecurities...
You, freakin' you, who took away the heart and claimed it as your 'lover'...
Hate, is not sufficient a word...
Indifferent suits better...
Be a saint elsewhere!

xoxo

Of Fresh Starts...

Ah, finally, I've realized how neglected my blog is! This past few weeks have been a whirlwind of emotional turmoil, scratch that, make it a few months! As I read through my pass entries, I come to realize how "disturbed" I was! Ah, what a torture! Jealousy is really a taxing and draining thing! and to what end? It feels like I'm not far from where I started!
Hence, it's time to put it behind me! Easily said yea?! Ah, it's gonna be hard, and I guess there will always be moments, thoughts, that will bring up the feelings of hate, insecurities, longing. I can only deal with 'em as they come!
Why the sudden revelation you ask? Well, it's not that I don't wish and hope that things will turn out my way, I do! I freakin' do! But over the weekend, a wise lady told me that "Expectations brings disappointment" It's not that one shouldn't have expectations, it's just that you shouldn't consume yourself over what did not happen (or had happened to someone else but not yourself - sorry, I had to vent!) and just be thankful for the things that do!
At the end of the day, there's still love. I still care. I just need to work on being more selfless I guess! If that's even possible!

xoxo
P/S: Fall season premiers are upon us! All my favourite TV serials are back!! Yay!! HAPPINESS!

Of Time and Tide....

Ah, it's been a month since my last entry, how time flies....
With time comes the inevitable change....
Yet some things remain the same....
Some things, refuse to succumb to the changing tides....
Though it's easier to remain ignorant....
When the receding tide drifts further away from the shore....
There remains the fool, with his foot, longing for the waves....
And as time passes, he begins to accept that he has lost the wave....
But gradually the inevitable truth becomes crystal clear, like the wave, the heart he so longs for was never his to begin with...

xoxo

Of Changes

The impending change is inevitable,
I see it, taking shape, right before my eyes,
For good or for bad,
I still can't figure it out yet,
The thing that's for sure,
Is that it's coming.

xoxo

Of Hearts and Sleeves

You wear your heart on your sleeve,
expecting, waiting, longing,
Hoping someone would catch it from the ever unrolling fragile fabric,
unrolling, unraveling, falling,
Suddenly realizing there might not be a saving arm,
what to do, how to do it,
Catch your falling heart and roll up your own sleeve,
independence, sovereignty, liberty,
For sometimes the person you long for can in no way be yours,
acceptance, though it hurts like hell,
What's left is a groove for your arm in my heart,
forever, always

xoxo